In my meditation and daily life, I've come across and found some events to be profound and remind me of some important lessons I learned awhile back. It is really important to pay attention to your surrounding and be aware of what is going on around you, for sure. You can find a lot of wisdom and knowledge just by looking around, listening, and so on. One thing that has become evident to me is that a lot of us, ex-convicts, do not really make it long out here. We succumb to drugs, alcohol, depression or other mental health issues left unchecked. It is very easy to fall into the temptations and bad influences that this world has to offer. If we don't spend time inside the walls working on our disciplines and correcting who and how much we put ourselves around the wrong people, then we are bound to go back to prison. Thankfully, at some point in my time incarcerated I really made an effort to separate my mind and my goals from what I had to do in there. I also made an effort to make sure NOT to put myself in situations where I would have to act anti-social, and I made decisions that could be looked as unpopular, knowing full-well there could be repercussions. I am not urging people to not take risks, but I am instead urging the need to assessing the risks we make. While I still do have to do things I don't want to in order to survive, I do not have to harm people or myself in that process. And I refuse to willingly do anything like that anyways.

It is having these boundaries and disciplines that keep me out of trouble. However, unfortunately for some of our people, the drugs, alcohol and the social pressures of the world tempt them and achieve in getting the attention of many. I really find it unfortunate that a lot of the system does not promote people getting clean off substances while incarcerated. That is a great time to take advantage of detoxing and really getting your mind back, so that when you are released you are ready to go out, live and be you. A lot of people are willing to get high or drunk by any means necessary inside, and I was definitely one of those for some time. Another thing that is crazy is that there are some people that live in prison without drugs, and live comfortable, they get in shape, they take care of themselves, have their BEST SELF in there. And shortly after getting out, they throw that away for the social pressures and lack of isolation that alcohol/drugs scream at them. I have numerous examples of this, from being inside and seeing people come back. I also see it in people that I know and meet out here now.

I'm glad I keep my side of the street clean, and that I don't have a bus ticket to prison. A lot of people are saving up for that bus ticket back to the pen, and they don't even realize that the money and their efforts are going toward that. A lot of people don't register that their drug use or alcohol use has correlation to their past incarcerations. There is a lot of ego with wanting to "fit in" with people, being able to "hang" in social circles wher alcohol is present, etc. I know that a lot of people do know better and it is their responsibility, but it can be hard watching people fall into the cycle. They are their BEST SELVES and just with one choice, you see that VANISH.

For myself as an individual, I am thankful I am able to see this for what it is. I know that something or someone or some force is bringing this to me, and that there is a reason I have to see so many fail right before my eyes. I really re-frame these terrible sights into messages or reminders. A wise man learns from others' mistakes, not just their own. I do feel bad that people like me are getting lost in the cycle, but the good that I do when I don't fall into that cycle can help myself and others that are ready to be done with the cycle. There is a certain amount of personal responsibility we have to take as ex-convicts/FIP. The system is just terrible, but as much as I can get into philosophical materialism and see validity in the case of injustice: I have to really stop for a minute and decide that I have to keep moving forward because there isn't much I can do or control in that situation. I don't want to give up on a future for people like me, where this doesn't have to happen. The other cruel side is that, there are a lot of ex-convicts that just give up the battle and they go with the easy way: go back to prison. Prison is easy for us, and it is comfortable. I write this now to say, don't give up, to myself and to others. Surviving out here is the only way barriers will be broken. We can't wait for the system to be reformed. Pay attention to what is going on around you, and you will see that, hopefully, wherever you are in life: you are where you are supposed to be to grow and learn.